From the Male Perspective: What Men need in Dating and a Relationship


Don’t worry---I also think about what a woman needs too---but that is another article coming out soon. Yes, I understand dating and a relationship is a two-way street, so please don’t think I’m ignoring this from a female standpoint.

Providing dating consulting services since the 1990’s, I’ve been fortunate to listen to tens of thousands of singles and help with online dating. At the moment, I have more male clients in their 30’s to 60’s that I am working with weekly than women, so this had been on my mind as I listen to them recap each weeks’ dating adventures.

So, if you are surprised by any of these, it comes from talking to so many single men looking for love. And, to those women who tell me there are no good men left or they are all married, let me graciously disagree with you!

1. Men need to feel supported.

 No, here I’m not referring to finances. They want to feel encouraged by you. Perhaps they are jumping into a new business venture or trying a new sport---they want to feel your approval and respect. Look for ways to help build their self-esteem. For example, right now I have a 55-year-old male client, Jack*, who’s priority this year is staying in great shape---more than making money. He wants to live a healthy, long life and before coming to me had spent 6 months at Canyon Ranch to whip himself into a mindset of health, well-being and great habits. (Yes, he’s financially secure though never boasts of this). When he was getting ready to start this 6-month journey, the woman he was dating told him it was a waste of money. Zero support. Yes, she’s history.

2. Men are looking for acceptance as they are.

 No, he’s not your self-improvement project.

3. Men like when you ask for help

Maybe I should have phrased it as men need to feel useful. And, if you don’t ask, they can’t help. A study showed an overwhelming 87% of men liked when their partner asked for help—whether it was reading through a presentation she was working on, installing a ring doorbell, or advice on a new car or a career move

4. Men are looking for a teammate.

 There is no I in team. Teammates complement each other in terms of strengths and weaknesses. They work together toward goals, to solve conflicts. Basically, an equal!

5. Respect that a man needs his own interests.

 Ok, who wants to be known as just a super husband/boyfriend or amazing dad? Sure, that’s great but we all need other passions to explore our own individuality. He goes on a Super Bowl trip each year to Vegas with his friends. Or plays golf in a foursome every Friday. It’s important for a man to have his own space with friends, sports, passions.

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